It’s been a fun weekend and you’ve been good to me. Now for a 3 hour trip back to the cornfields. 

See you in two weeks :)  

…because it’s 8:43 in the morning and she already wants to go shoe shopping haha.

She cray. I don’t even wake up until noon these days.  

…here in the city of Champaign. It’s an awkward, yet peaceful, calm. The city’s asleep and it feels like I’m the only one awake. Well, me and the garbage truck dudes. I think I like this feeling. It’s good for contemplative moods haha. 

I’ve been awake for quite awhile. At this rate, I’ll probably just stay up considering I’ve yet to start my paper. Gah. Lena, get your act together. It’s not because I don’t want to do it. I had every intention to write this paper. I’m just really distracted recently. You probably may have guessed why already or if you know me personally, you definitely already know why. 

Well, after many tears, conversations, and constantly hitting replay on the “Payphone” cover by Alex G, I think I’ve finally come to terms with it. At least for now, at this moment in time. You have your own goals and I have mine too. It’s important that we become stronger as individuals before we can become stronger together. There’s a lot that I wish I could tell you; there’s a lot I want you to know, but I know you don’t want to hear from me right now and I’ll respect that.

I trust you. I’ll wholeheartedly trust you on this. 

I know trust was a bit of a big thing in our past. I was never really one to trust anyone, including you. But this time, I’ll trust you. I’ll trust that you are making the right decision for both of us. I’ll trust that you will keep to your word. I believe in you and I believe in us. Just know that I really truly care, that you mean much, much more to me than you think you do, and that I want the best for you, always. 

I’ll use this opportunity to test my patience.  

On another note, I had a refreshing conversation with a complete stranger today. I’ve learned that people will surprise you if you give them the chance. I regret not realizing this earlier in life. I will never make that mistake again. Give a bit of yourself away and others will do the same in return. 

I also had a comforting conversation with a friend about an hour ago. It was…nice. :] Different people, different perspectives, new understanding.  

Alright, enough of this reflective mood. I’ll do more of that later when I have more hours to spare. Now it’s time to finally take care of that paper.

Here ya go. A song I shouldnt be listening to but I can’t help it. 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=5M7wcE5Pq9g  

You know what else is a hard habit for me to break? Not charging my phone when I go to bed. For someone who helped to plan a conference that revolved around breaking habits, I sure suck at it. 

It’s Sunday right now. I should write my paper soon.  

On Friday, Tony and Adrienne were nice enough to come all the way to campus to keep me company. We ate at Olive Garden with Mei Mei for lunch and had a hilarious server. I think he had a thing for Tony :P We went to Wal Mart afterwards to buy fruits and juice pouches for our picnic on the Quad. Kevin joined us as we ate and relaxed and just genuinely enjoyed each other’s company. We bummed at Bash for an hour or so and then went to see “What To Expect When You’re Expecting”, which turned out to be a pretty good movie. We parted ways and I crashed when I got home. I woke up yesterday and did nothing until like 6ish, when Mei Mei wanted to go to the mall. We grabbed Cravings afterwards and had a good talk. I stayed up late on the phone and fell asleep at 5ish. Typical. Woke up today, Sunday, and was saddened by what Emilio had to say. Now I’m here, thinking. Like I always do when there’s nothing to hide me from my thoughts. 

Recently, I was asked to list some exceptional people in my life. People that have done exceptional things and possess characteristics that make them extraordinary. As I started to list the exceptional folks I know of (they’re all my friends, by the way, but I’m not revealing who!), I’ve come to realize there are certain qualities that I admire and aspire to be. 

1) Professionalism - I’ve never been big on showing emotion, especially in public. I’m not really sure why. I respect anyone who can keep their emotions and personal life separate from their professional life; people who can overcome personal obstacles, at least in the public eye. I’ve always tried my best to keep it that way, but I’ll work on this some more… starting with my crybaby problems. 
2) I’ve always been envious of well rounded individuals. I wish I could sing well. I wish   I could create beautiful stories. I wish I could dance, cook, draw, play guitar, take amazing photos, get awesome grades, maintain meaningful relationships, and still have time to give back to my community. One day, Lena Tran. One day. 
3) I also admire those that are proactive and career driven, people who know what they want and exactly how to make it happen; people who are passionate about what they want to do for the rest of their lives; people who are actively taking steps to ensure that this happens. I’ve always been a firm believer of making your own luck. It’s about time I start doing that. 
4) Last but not least, I have the utmost respect for those who are hard working. I used to admire those with natural talent but I’ve come to realize that I have greater admiration for those who make themselves talented. It takes strong will and dedication to reach your ideal self. Kudos to everyone who has the drive and motivation to give it their all and to work hard, because that’s the foundation of a successful and fulfilling life. 

I don’t really have any cohesive thoughts right now. I apologize for choppy transitions; I’m just trying to get it all down. Some random things that have been on my mind: 

- I forgot how to shop. Must get back to a Chicago mall ASAP. I miss my State St and Mag Mile and outlet malls. 
- I kind of wish I was in the city for all this NATO excitement.  
- I miss him a lot. I miss my friend. I hope he knows that I want the best for him, always.  
- I need a whole lot of distractions from myself. School isn’t enough. Not right now.
- I miss being politically active. I felt more aware and connected to the rest of the world back then. 
- I miss working. Besides having a paycheck, there was always a sense of self worth and identity. Made me feel accomplished. 
- I waste a lot of time, especially the past week. Gotta stop that.

Alright, after hours and hours of contemplating and talking to others, I think it’s about time I am ready to start that paper.

Again, for making it to the end of this ridiculously long post, you get to listen to my song of the day.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1F_8kp7l3_Y